Samantha's Story
As a child, like many children, I grew up believing in God. I would talk to Him easily, even asking Him help me find my clothes or shoes before school. I would also pray to God at night asking Him to bless each member of my family and telling Him that “if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take...”
But while my family visited Catholic
churches occasionally and I read children’s Bibles regularly, I never knew what it meant to have a relationship with God. So, while my moral compass as a child pointed toward God, when I was 16 I lost interest in “Christianity.” And I began to pursue a more logical and more interesting religion; Buddhism.
Introduction to Buddhism
I found my first book on Buddhism in a local Barnes & Noble and it made complete sense to me. Life had to be about compassion and peace, right? What else could be more important than being at peace with your fellowman? So from ages 16 to 23 I was a self-proclaimed Buddhist - but I was also fascinated with other religions as well. By my early 20’s every other religion was tolerable to me - except for Christianity.
By the time I was 20 I was no longer indifferent towards Christians - I was infuriated with them. I had no logical reason to be, but in my mind they were responsible for the problems in both America and the world because of their traditions and small ways of thinking. I would turn on the tv and sneer whenever I saw evangelists preaching or praying for people. I detested all Christians and it didn’t matter if a person was a Baptist, a Pentecostal or a Jehovah’s Witness - to me they were all the same; pushy, hypocritical and old-fashioned.
Life on my own terms
Because I didn’t believe in God, Jesus or sin, I was living life completely on my terms. At 19 I fell in love with a married man who was no longer in love with his wife. My moral compass was all about me and my logic was that if they were no longer living together or in love with each other anymore, then it was fine. Plus, he promised that he would marry me. So, we moved in together and lived together for three years - until one day everything changed.
I had never really planned on having children - so when I found out I was pregnant, to say it was a shock is an understatement. But I knew when I found out I was pregnant that I wanted to keep my baby.
Life seemingly spiraled even more out of control at this point. I worked almost my entire pregnancy but by the end of it, I was no longer working and my significant other got fired from his jobs. I had my son and soon after, we lost our apartment. My boyfriend went to live with his family and I went to live with mine. We wanted to make it work so he got a job and our plan was to eventually get an apartment together again and be a family.
But by the time my son was ten months old, my boyfriend fell in love with someone at his work and also informed me that even though he was now legally divorced, that he had no plans to ever get married again. I was crushed and suddenly a single mom.
This was my absolute lowest point mentally and spiritually. I now had a beautiful baby boy but no plans for a future or a family. And Buddhism wasn’t doing anything to give me peace no matter how much I practiced my breathing or meditated. I was a spiritual and emotional mess.
Then I met Sean, my now-husband.
It was completely “random” how we met online and began to chat with each other on social media. But Sean was so kind and, unlike other men, he wasn’t put-off by the fact that I had a baby boy. In fact, he and his family invited both of us over for Thanksgiving and I happily accepted.
So after weeks of talking on the phone for hours at a time, my son and I finally met Sean at his grandparents house on Thanksgiving Day. And it was amazing...and also a little strange...
You see, Sean’s parents were “Christians.” So, you can imagine how shocked I was when they accepted me, a very opinionated Buddhist, as if I were family. “Just call us mom and dad.” Sean’s mom told me with a smile when I tried to call her “Mrs.”
I was completely caught off-guard by how sweet these “Christians” were to me. Over the next two months whenever my son and I would visit they would give us small gifts or Mom would bake brownies and cook dinner for us. Oh - and Mom and Dad never once preached Jesus to me. Not with words. They gained my respect but I also fell in love with them - and they fell in love with me and my son.
Fast forward to that Christmas season and I had gone to Church with Sean and his family on a few Sundays (Me! A Buddhist who hated Christians! God surely has a sense of humor.) And more than that, I actually *liked* going to Church. I wasn’t shunned like I thought I would be. And the pastor’s sermons always left me thinking about my personal life, which I knew needed work.
Little did I know that my life would change completely the day after Christmas...
Sean and I had gone to the store to get my son some baby food and when we got back I went alone upstairs. Nobody knew this - but I was having a panic attack. I had had them for most of my life, sometimes several times a day - and this particular one was really bad.
I remember being in the bathroom alone, feeling the familiar feelings set in and bracing myself for the inevitable suffocating darkness. But this time something different happened. One second I was gripping the bathroom countertop and the next, the panic went completely away. I stood up, surprised and confused. I didn’t know it then - but that was the last panic attack I would ever have.
Still a little shaken, I went downstairs to have dinner with Sean’s Mom and Dad and for the most part, it was a pretty casual evening. But then, after dinner Dad asked me a question - and it was a really simple one - he asked me if I knew about Jesus when I was growing up. And then the most embarrassing thing happened - I started to cry.
I tried to apologize but the tears just kept coming. You see, my heart had been changing those two months since I had met Sean and his family. Their love for me and my son had softened my hard heart and I came to realize that Christians weren’t my enemy - in fact, they had blessed me and loved me and my son when I had done nothing at all to deserve it.
After I began to cry, Mom and Dad reassured me and pulled their chairs up next to mine and prayed with me. And that night I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior and felt His Presence for the very first time. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced - but more than that, I had the revelation that Jesus wasn’t apart of a religion - but was a Person.
So, yes...as a child I knew *about* God. But knowing about God is not enough. Unless a person has a relationship with Jesus, even after saying a prayer of salvation, he or she will not be changed.
My New Life in Christ
A relationship with Jesus happens when you accept Him as your Lord and Savior and then get to know Him through His Word (the Bible) and pray to Him and learn to wait and listen to His Voice. I also cannot stress the importance of praying for the right mentors and Church family. Despite the world’s outlook, the “Church” does exist and having that community is vital to one’s growth.
Because of Jesus, Mom and Dad and my Church family, I can honestly say that I’m not the same person now that I was then. But I didn’t just “transition” into a better place - Jesus made me a *new creation.* I look back on my life and the decisions I made and the mindsets I had - and I can only shake my head and wonder how in the world that person was ever me.
It’s been ten years since then and Sean and I have been married for almost nine years now and have three beautiful children; our son and two daughters. I have seen God’s faithfulness and provision and Love through Jesus in our lives over and over again, even in the midst of hardship. But - the difference between life’s hardships now and my hardships back then is that I have real peace and a real relationship with the living God through Jesus Christ.
I once was lost and now am found - and I am forever grateful. Love truly conquers all!
Connect with Samantha on Instagram @samanthaincolor
If you sense the love of Jesus drawing you near and would like to make your own commitment to surrender your life Jesus and embrace a new life of undeserved grace, now is the time!
Just fill let us know you made this courageous choice today and one of our ministry partners will be in touch with you to help guide you into next steps. We would also like to send you a gift called Following Jesus to celebrate your re-birth day!